VINO!

A simple pleasure I miss and cannot acquire in India is a good bottle of wine. One of my last stops before leaving for the airport was a local wine shop. I carefully picked some bottles and then strategically wrapped them in one of my suitcases. I knew that the legal limit into India was two bottles and decided to risk it…As I was filling out my customs sheet and throughout my flight I wondered if my booty would be confiscated or not. After about 24 hours of travel time at 2:30am I lifted my (weighed down with wine) bags off the conveyor belt onto my cart. I took a deep breath and walked smiling up to the final security check. The man looked at my bags, me and my customs sheet. At the last second he looked down at my bag pointed to some white chalk on my bag that said “LBS 7” and said “you need to go to the left and talk to a customs officer”. When I arrived at the counter, I was met by an older man with a crooked grin on his face. He pointed to my bag and said: So you have 7 liquor bottles in your bag (LBS 7), this did not include 3 others I had bought which were in another bag. We volleyed our cases back and forth like Sampras and Agassi until I served up the question he was waiting to here: What’s it going to take for you to let me keep my pirates treasure? There was a twinkle in his eye as he said “as you wish”.

As you wish is how Indians hedge their bets. Without any context they force you to give much more than you should for tips/bribes or if you don’t they let you know…in a way”as you wish” sounds like your royalty and they are at your beckon call, not that they have you by the Family Jewels…

Hearing this before, tired and feeling feisty I said, As I wish huh…, well how about you let me pass out of the kindness of your big and warm heart…He laughed and repeated “As you wish” and pointed to the right. I looked to where his finger directed and surprise, surprise right next two the customs security is a ATM (yes, bribes are a integral part of Indian culture). A few minutes later we were both happy as we created an Indian “win win”. The security guard who originally would not let me pass got the signal from my new friend and let me pass without a hitch.