Vision

Things and people are not always what they seem. I hope that you agree that we as human beings are complex creatures. However many people are conditioned to dwell on the surface. I believe richness stems from depth, like the roots and soil that feed a tree. But all our eyes see is what is on the surface. What do you spend your time looking at? Aren’t people who are deemed Visionaries individuals who see what others cannot? Which reminds me of this quote “eyesight is a test to see if we can see beyond it…”

I remember the 1st time I saw my mom outside of the singular yet admirable and complex role of my mother. I went to a graduation of her organization, training futures (http://www.nvfs.org/trainingfutures.htm a shamless plug for an amazing organization that is always looking for volunteers). She was speaking in front of over 200 people in a formal business setting. She spoke with such passion and grace. It hit me hard, rocked my world and never looked at her the same again. Getting a peak into another layer of Susan Craver created a deeper sense of respect, admiration and love.

I had a similar experience today when Ed, Pris, Dr Z, (author of a great book called seven steps to deep transitions) Mousina and I went to visit the Satyam (the organization I work for) Foundations. This 30,000 person organization (as I have been learning since joining three weeks ago) is dynamic and impressive. Our journey today took us on a tour of three foundations, an urban development foundation called Satyam foundation….a rural development foundation (Byrraji foundation), and Emergency Management and Research Institute. EMRI is the equivalent to 911 in the US which did not exist anywhere in India until Satyam created and continues to fund the much needed service.
We got to tour the facilities, interact with the leaders of the organizations and learn about how these services have saved and sustained the lives of hundreds of thousands of people throughout India with clean water, health care, education, disaster relief and so on. In a country where 40% of the population lives off of a dollar or less a day and life expectancy is around 64 these types of services are literally lifesavers. Like seeing another facet of my mom, learning about all the important and transformative community development work Satyam does reveals more of its richness and depth. I look forward to sharing my volunteer efforts in the community in the near future.

Helpless

I once saw Moby sing Neil Young's song Helpless in NYC at a Tsunami Relief fundraiser. It was a moving moment after such a tragedy. While nowhere close to that scale, personally this week I experienced the feeling of helplessness....Someone close to me lost their father rather unexpectedly and I wanted to support her with my physical presence yet I could not due to distance. The feeling of helplessness was very hard to handle. I realized prior to leaving that being away from friends and family was going to be the hardest part of this move. However, now that the rubber has hit the road the physical barrier is creating more dis-ease than I imagined (as I know I will miss important rituals such as birthdays (blessings to my Gemini friends), graduations, passing of loved ones, the development of baby Jalen, weddings, little big things and so forth).

Navigating this site

Friends,

Just a quick guide to navigating this site. I will be updating the site and links with content on a fairly regular basis. There is a RSS feed that will send you an email every time the site is updated if you plug in your email address on the bottom left text bar on the home page.

There will also be information that is housed in the archive you might enjoy reading.

On the road...

Traffic here makes the 405 in LA or the Beltway in DC look like a walk in the park. A chaotic blend of cars, rickshaws,dogs, people, bikes, holy cows and motorcycles (aka two-wheelers) navigate a racetrack with no lanes or proper rules for the road. The commutes to and from work have not seemed long due to all the sensory overload. If people watching is one of your favorite pastimes come to India and you will be intrigued, fascinated, perplexed and alarmed all in the same moment. Women carry water jugs and 4 foot stacks of bricks effortlessly on there heads, people piss in the road (although generally they have the decency to turn away from traffic) cows itch themselves on signposts, women with tiny straw brooms attempt to clean the street, the mosh pit of traffic you have no choice but to jump into, people nudged by cars that shake it off like a fly,the strange melody of horns that is omnipresent and many more never before seen sights. The more open I am, the more rewards I reap from the unknown. All this I see while riding in a car and when I get out of the car I stare directly into the eyes of India.

Tipping The Scale

Do you remember the 1st time you experienced something that was different from what you were used to? I remember as a child going from DC public schools to Catholic private school (and my family is not catholic)…talk about contrast. In the former, I was a racial minority one of three white children in class. In the later the racial contrast was flipped. I am grateful that I experienced such different environments at a young age; however, everything was different, like trying to blend oil and water.
I traded bugle boys for a uniform, jive for structured sentences, Jordan’s for penny loafers, and many more contrasting norms and values.
At that age the changes required little thought; my brain fresh and not yet saturated, absorbed the differences with little effort and I adapted. As an adult, the norms from my social identity groups (i.e. race, gender, sexual orientation, social class in America…) are ingrained patterns that I often personify robotically. To turn off the autopilot and steer manually requires more fuel and as I am shifting from one culture to another since moving to India, what is figural is scale and contrast….
For example, take the difference in money: the cost of dinner at an expensive American restaurant going “all out” would cost $100 per person, the same quality in India costs me $40 American for six people! I got what would have been at least $300 of dry cleaning done and it cost $30. In addition the tipping scale is very different due to the fact 60% of the population of India lives off a dollar a day. So unless you want a following (paparazzi style) you must tip appropriately to the scale here. I have learned that one the hard way----yeah people hear know who I am…which isn’t hard considering I stand out like one red rose in a bouquet surrounded of all white ones Being part of the dominant power group (white men) in America is like a fish in water. Nemo doesn’t even know he is in the water until you take him out...
A quote that comes to mind as I reflect on living in India thus far is: “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. As I behold the sensory overload of sights, sounds, smells, tastes, customs and interactions I find my heart and head feeling similar to a tennis match between the mores of east vs. west. It’s an exciting match however if you keep you’re eye on the ball to long it becomes disorienting and dizzying. In other words, my heart is heavy and my head aches at times and the match has only just begun. However, I am more alive than any other point in my life.

Arrival in India

After an 8 hour flight to Amsterdam, a four hour lay-over and another 9 hour flight I arrived in Hyderabad, India safe and sound.

To learn about my new home check out these links:

http://www.iloveindia.com/travel/hyderabad/index.html

http://www.fullhyderabad.com/htdocs/visiting_the_city/home.phtml

The Hunt...

Trust me
It's Paradise
This is where the hungry come to feed
For mine is a generation that circles the globein search of something we haven't tried before
so never refuse an invitation
never resist the unfamiliar
never fail to be polite and never outstay your welcome
just keep your mind open and
suck in the experienceand if it hurts
you know what... it's probably worth it
you hope, and you dream
but you never believe that
something is going to happen for you
not like it does in the movies
and when it actually does
you expect it to feel different
more visirale
more real
i was waiting for it to hit me
i still believe in paradise
but now at least i know it's not some place you can look forcause it's not where you go
it's how you feel for a moment in your life
and if you find that moment it lasts forever
it lasts forever
lasts forever

A farewell visit from T-Bird

This past weekend T-Bird aka TommyDigital aka one of my closest friends aka Tom Moran flew to CO From NY for a farewell visit prior to my departure to India. The weekend was action packed and felt way too short. T-bird got up on skies for the 1st time ever and managed not to kill himself (barely), and then we were privileged to see a free show by Rusted Root at the foot of Cooper Mountain (Check on the footage on my video link). The music and camaraderie was uplifting!

DISCLAIMER...PLEASE READ!!!

I recently had an interesting debate with friends about narcissism. Is it narcissistic to write a journal about your life/encounters and share it??? Like anything you are entitled to and I hope you now and always form your own opinion. The purpose of this site is to share pieces of myself with people that I care about. I often talk about layers and intend to use this site as a vehicle to expose parts of myself some of you might not know about. Through that, perhaps others might feel compelled to do the same…I want people I value to know me and I know that I don’t always do a good job of sharing. I could ask you to suspend your judgment and view this page objectively but that is not how humans are built and only a few choose to buck the system. As I venture half way around the world for at least 18 months, I thought a few of you might want to know how I am doing.

All this to say, my purpose is to share my journey not be judged or self promote.

New Life...

This past week I returned to the DC area for two reasons. One, to close a five year chapter in my life and the second, to welcome the birth and new life of Jalen Moore Roy born March 14th, 2006 (Son of my cousin Caity and her husband Jason). After five years of working for Booz Allen I decided it was time for change. Up until now I have not been good with goodbyes and my pattern was to avoid them. There have been many times I have done this and never seen people again...Which I regret. So I decided to face my fear and go to Mclean and personally say goodbye to individuals that have positively impacted my life. It was not easy, however the feeling of closure I received was well worth it. So that part of my life is over and in the same timeframe I was greeted by a healthy, beautiful baby boy! When I 1st meet Jalen I was flooded with thoughts and emotions... he was so pure, untainted by the world and an abundance of possibilities ahead of him...and then I thought about his future, the world he was entering and the challenges of raising a child while also having to balance your own hopes, dreams, and desires. It has occurred to me in the past and was solidified this past weekend that raising a child can be a pure demonstration of unconditional love.


With so many things consuming my thoughts this past week the one constant was the joy of new life and the possibilities it holds. Whether it is the birth of a child, the beginning of a relationship or job, going to a place you have never been, choosing to let go of something or someone that does not serve you, blah blah blah...

The bottom line is new life can conjure up feelings of fear and once you breakthough those it can be extremely liberating and invigorating.

Food For Thought...

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine. I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible. How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you? How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television? I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gas up and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday." .She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together. Because North Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.. We live on a>sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect! We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace>the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college. Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to>ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Someday, when things are>settled down a bit." When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord. My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy. Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT>to......not something on your SHOULD DO list. If youwere going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's errat ic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hearthe reply?When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the>next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow." And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say "Hi"? When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

"Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!

The Past Year

Last April I decided it was time for change. I had been saturated by the DC area and poor choices on my part. The people, quality of life, negative patterns I had accumulated over time and my comfort zones all where drivers for change. I often say wherever you go there you are, and some say that I am a hypocrite. Regardless of what you believe I have found that a change in physical environment drastically impacts your behavior…look at how you feel when at work in an office (for those of you who are exempt from this WAY TO GO) vs outside on a perfect spring day. Furthermore, for the most part humans are creatures of habit and shaking it up sometimes brings snow….Joni Mitchell once said you don’t know what you got till it’s gone and I concur. I also know that I take things, people and experiences for granted….Like the person who lives five minutes from the beach but never goes… So I decided to walk away from a great job, friends/family, a great relationship, money house and 10 minute commute (and for those of you in the DC area you know that is unbelievable) and overall comfort for a journey west to Colorado. To be honest, I barely even thought about it. Details which are challenging for me were taken care of by my company. They packed my belongings; everything from my underwear to my numbchucks, put my car on a flat bed, me on a plane and the rest was history. And then reality hit like Mike Tyson in the early years. I am alone… My goal for this move was to reconnect with me and do some soul searching. I wanted to walk away from everyone and everything and start fresh. In fact my first week in CO I got the I CHING (an amazing book BTW) symbol for inner truth/introspection inked on my right foot. What now connects me to the earth via my feet is compassion and inner truth. The move appeared easy at first and in the end it was a worthy opponent.
Luckily for support, I found a friend in Yoga. The ability to flow in the moment and suspend judgment was therapeutic. Ah yes, and the mountains, another pal…..I found myself in nature everyday. Running, hiking, mountain biking, camping, and then when the winter hit snowboarding! These two outlets combined with daily mediation and writing proved to give me the introspection I desired.
About four months after moving to the springs I realized something…I am never here ( just to give you an idea in the last eight months I traveled to Paris, London (three times) Germany, Hawaii, Egypt, Dominican Republic, DC 9 times, Cali twice, Texas, Utah, Chi-town, Philly, NC, and almost every weekend in CO spent this winter has been in the mountains at our condo in Beaver Creek ) and I am paying DC prices for my apartment and so I decided to buy a house….My first move in the past year I got by with a lot of help from my company and friends. This time I was on my own….It was a painful experience,when the smoked cleared I had turned this house in my home. Colorado has been a great place for solace and to recharge.
So after starting to get comfortable here in CO I have decided to move to India…I have always felt drawn outside the US, perhaps it’s because I was born in Belgium. Regardless, I feel most alive when outside the US and so the opportunity to move to India was exciting. My intuition has told me its right and lately my head and heart have been in a sparing match with my head winning (it is extremely hard; my head and the decision when I actually THINK about it). Renting my newly bought house, selling my car, packing up my stuff, leaving a firm I have worked for five years, being half way around the world from what’s most important to me in life….started giving me serious doubts. I am an ideas person but when its time to put the rubber to the road I have problems getting the engine started….and of course life brought me numerous options to tempt me to choose other paths…relocating to Europe with my current company or a new venture with a close friend. Looking over the cliff scared shitless (like when about to skydive) I am saying oh what the fuck go for it anyway….I‘ll keep you posted on how it works out. Hence this thing called a blog….???